The Blinking, Red Light

The blinking, red light that has lulled me to sleep for the past 365 days is about to be no more. This girl is moving from her sweet, little studio apartment in Wayne, PA to a four-bedroom, roommate-filled Manayunk house! I can't believe that it has been two weeks short of a year that I have lived in this little town that I've really come to love so, so much and I can't believe that I am actually leaving it. I can actually remember the very first night I slept in this apartment, well stayed in it at least. I couldn't sleep at all and I ended up staying up most of the night building my ikea furniture and staring at the red, blinking light outside my apartment window from the AT&T building down the street. I find myself doing the very same thing as my time in this apartment counts down, waking up in the middle of the night, staring at the blinking, red light....

As I look back at my time in this apartment, I cannot help but figuratively roll on the ground with laughter. Where I thought I would be when I first moved in to where I am now are so different, but yet I am so grateful. Currently, in my professional career, I am more lost and confused than ever, but I am at peace and know that I can take my time figuring out what I want. And in my personal life, I have some really, really great best friends and as of two days ago am in a really, really great long (but not too long) -distance relationship after four months of living 10 minutes away from each other. When I moved here, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted out of my career and moved for a boy who ended up dumping me a week later. Life's pretty funny, don't you think?

All in all, I have grown so much as a person this year, which I really think comes with the territory of living by yourself, having and quitting your first "real job", and being a young adult in general. I no longer question "what did I do wrong" or "what is wrong with me" when something bad happens, but instead "what can I do better next time" or no questions at all and just a simple, "this didn't work out for you, but something else will". And maybe you're reading this and saying, "Could she be any more naive????". But at this point, I truly believe that everything will work out EXACTLY how it is supposed to in the end and yes, that may sound naive, but I have no doubt in myself, in my work ethic and in my personal ethic that my life will turn out well. (And honestly, if I thought any other way, life would be pretty depressing and harrowing.)

I guess what I've really taken from this year is to have no expectations for anything. Yes, have your dream, have your plans, and execute them well, but also have an open mind to how they might turn out. And if they turned out exactly how you planned, well then, that is so awesome! And while I am a little jealous (why lie?), I am also genuinely happy for you! But if they didn't, keep the faith, hold on tight to the rocky road of life, because maybe, just maybe, life will trick you and create something beautiful out of your adversity.

Now...back to packing!

                                            

Phillies Beer Fest (before the moonshine) 😊

 "Baby Nathan" at his cutest! 

 Allison's 24th!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

What I've realized about this blog, as of yesterday, is that it mostly only gets updated when I go through a life change, which is why it is so sporadically updated. "Girl on a Street Bench" has really become my sounding board for those changes and how I cope with them. Changes are harder for some more than others, I used to be one who feared change and resisted it until I realized how much I've grown and developed from it. This blog was created because of extreme changes this summer, after my first real "heartbreak", after moving to my studio apartment to live on my own for the first time and after starting my first full-time job. Those changes coming at me all at once were a little too much for me to handle, but that's when I realized that writing was my outlet and more so, public writing.

So, with that, welcome to my first week of my newest change, my second full-time job, a complete 180 degree turn from what I was doing to nannying. I decided to take this leap after many months of being unhappy with my last position at the Y. It was not a decision that I made easily and had been thought about many times during my short time at the Y. Ultimately, I decided to take the time to find out what I really wanted to do with my life and how I wanted to live it and temporarily nannying will help me accomplish this. I will return to school in Fall 2018 to begin earning my second degree, Doctor of Physical Therapy.

I am extremely excited for this new chapter in my life. I have an uphill battle to fight, but I've suited up and I'm ready to defeat it. Gaining therapy observation hours, taking the GREs, completing college essays, and then when that's all over, going to school full time for three years will not always be fun, but it will be worth it. And in the end, that's what is important to me, making myself and my life worth it.

Marinating in Meditation

We, as humans, get caught up. We get busy in our everyday lives, in the so called "whirlwind". We forget what is important to us. We tell ourselves we'll get to it later because we don't have time or we don't make the time. We live everyday jamming as many activities as we can without time for reflection on our lives and on the lives that we touch. Today, after a bit of a shock to my "whirlwind", I realized that I had been "caught up".

I have always been a spiritual person, believing in a greater power and wanting to get more in touch with myself whether that be through prayer, yoga or meditation. I truly believe that I have some control over my choices and decisions in my life, but at the same time I believe someone has already mapped out my life and while I may take different turns, everything happens exactly how it is supposed to happen at exactly the right time. But recently, I had forgotten to just breathe and live and be satisfied and was trying to control my life, being selfish in what I desire and not what the universe desires for me.

Luckily or not so luckily, depending on how you look at it, a challenging morning was able to snap me out of that "whirlwind" and allowed me to focus on myself and realign with my beliefs. While I've had plenty of time by myself, I haven't taken time for myself and for self-reflection. So, this afternoon, I took four hours by myself for self-reflection and meditation. Four hours without any distractions to empty all the negative energy out of my body, to look at the person I've been lately and to remind myself of my ultimate goal in life, inner peace.

In those four hours, I was able to relocate my zen (which had been the most off kilter lately). To find my inner peace. To remember the person that I want to strive to be everyday: loving, caring, understanding, full of joy. To remind myself that you have to "Let go, and Let God". My suggestion to you, dear reader, is to take the same time for yourself, you might be surprised on what you find when you are done. I'm leaving this day and this blog feeling a little more blessed with what I have in my life, a little more open to what may happen in the future and a little more loved by myself for who I am and what I stand for. And at the end of the day, that is all I can really ask for.