A four-lettered "H" word.

Hope.

A gambling word. A word filled with good intentions and limitless possibilities. One that can bring you from feeling on top of the world to falling on your knees in despair in a matter of seconds. Of all intangible things, I think that "hope" is the thing that plays with my emotions the most, but let me explain before you go on thinking that I'm just being cynical...

Everyone's always hoping for the best, hoping that this time it will work out, hoping that everything goes to plan. And when those things work out you can say you "knew it would work out all along" and you have no problem telling everyone around you to "keep the faith". Which is great, until hope fails you. When hope fails, you tell yourself that you're stupid and foolish or maybe you skip the self-loathing and you stick to the "it's simply not meant to be". Whatever you do or tell yourself, when hope doesn't pull through, it stings, no matter how strong you are.  And that right there, my friends, is exactly why hope is the worst... (until it's not).

Of course, you have to have hope, or else you become a 'woe is me' type of person. And let's get real, what's hope without a little effort on our part. Hope needs a little effort to give it some drive. But sometimes even with all of our drive behind that hope, it still let's us down. Well, maybe, just maybe, that's okay. Maybe that's how we grow and we learn, by having hope fail us sometimes and building ourselves back up after. We endure the sting, we understand that it won't last forever and we take that same hope and use it again and again. We don't let it make a stance on all future situations, but we take that lesson and keep hopeful because what's life without a little hope. 

I really do believe that everything turns out exactly how it's meant to be, so, at least for now, I'm not going to give up on you hope ... just start behaving yourself.

A Love Letter to my Four Best Friends as the Summer Comes to an End

I swear that there's a spark that ignites when you meet your best friends. From the moment you first meet, there's an undetectable change in the atmosphere that revolutionizes your life. I am lucky enough to have this spark happen to me four times. From my oldest best friend who I met when I was eleven to my newest one who stumbled into my life a couple of months ago, these are my people. My biggest supporters. My unconditional love bugs. My soul mates. The ones who have helped to make Summer '16 one of my favorite summers yet.

They've seen me at my lowest lows and have helped celebrate some highest highs. They've laughed uncontrollably with me in Target over nothing. They've inspired me to run over ten consecutive miles. They've eaten thousands of gallons of ice cream with me. They've laid in bed for hours with me watching the worst of the worst horror movies. But most importantly, each of them has always picked up the phone when I've needed them the most, giving me the support and strength I need to get through absolutely anything.

As you know, this has been my summer of changes. I've graduated from college, started my full time job, and moved to a new apartment in a new town. Through this all, they have been my constants, my rocks. Those days when my emotions overtook me, they knew a shopping trip and some ice cream would make it better (and they were right). But mostly it was their overwhelming love that kept me together. The tears and the laughs wouldn't have wanted to be shared with anyone else. 

So one last thank you for the concerts, the beach trips, the ice cream, the beer, the phone calls, the hugs, and the faith. To be honest, I would've survived this summer without you, but it wouldn't have been half as fun.

 Right before we decided to it would be fun to run 10 miles. LOL. 

 I never want summer days and concerts with you to end. 

 A galaxy button down, jorts, a visor and boat shoes. Couldn't describe him any better than that. 

A throwback from our high school days, since Mul wasn't able to make an appearance this summer. 

The Habit Forming Truth

I've officially made my move one month and one day ago! Not sure how it's gone by so quickly, but at the same time it feels like I've always been here. Taking this journey by myself has definitely helped me grow into the person I want to be. I think that there's a change that occurs when there's only you to help yourself daily. I was the one who had to fight with Peco for weeks about my electric, I am the one who carries all my groceries up my apartment steps (still haven't mastered the art of one trip), and I am the one who motivates myself to get out of bed every morning and "carpe diem". I wouldn't want it any other way though, things have been really great, I am running my life more than I have ever before and I am running it into the right direction. 

Now for the real topic of discussion...

Routines and habits, they have never been my strong point. They say if you do something 21 days in a row, it becomes a habit, but I've never found that true and don't ask me who "they" are. I could do something for 53 days in a row, not do it one day and never look back. I think the real secret to forming a habit or routine is to form it around something you love, which is a realization I've recently made. Since moving I have found routine to be something extremely important to me and no, I do not have every moment of every single week planned (and I never will), but it is nice to know that I have constants in my life. For example, every morning I know that I will wake up at 6 AM, turn on the news, drink my coffee and spend that time with myself, I know that every Tuesday night I will work late and then go to Yoga, I know that every Monday evening I will have dinner with my parents, I know that every Sunday morning I will be reading outside and then writing a blog post with a coffee next to me, and I know that every Thursday afternoon will be spent at some happy hour with some happy person next to me. 

The people who I choose to spend time around are important to me (obviously) and I've built my routines around the people I love and the strengthening and nurturing of those relationships. I love knowing that I will be spending time with my parents and myself and my best friends and my yoga teacher (Lauren, you know you rock). My time with all of these people fill my heart with so many different types of love and gratitude and maybe that's what I've been missing from my other attempted routines for so long. 

So, my unsolicited advice to you is to go find what you're passionate about and if you want to find routine or habit in your life form them around your passions.  If you are passionate about music, include a little music into the things you want to do, if you are passionate about snacking (like I am) include some snacks into what you love to do. 

Then again, maybe everyone already knew this and I'm just a little late to the game, if so, I guess it was better for me to learn late than never. 

The Beginning

First blog post. Here goes nothing.

I decided a few weeks ago that I needed a new hobby. I wanted something creative and one that would give me a challenge. Since I have never been known to be an open person I thought that this would give me the perfect chance to share my inner workings with my readers and friends and keep those who I no longer see as often updated on my life.

I'm a 23-year-old (girl? lady? woman? haven't decided yet) who decided to take a small plunge into adulthood and move into a studio apartment in Wayne about a month ago away from my childhood home. It has been a roller coaster of emotions since. 

Let's focus on the ups first. The town itself has been amazing and I am glad to be spending a year here. I have everything I need within walking distance or a short five minute drive, including some really great running trails. My apartment, while small, is all me. My decorations, my music and no one to judge me when I rock out to Beyonce in my underwear (that's probably the best part). I have also found my favorite spot in town, where the inspiration for my blog title comes. It's a bench three or so blocks from my apartment, up off the main street, but close enough to satisfy my people watching needs. It's peaceful and the only other way to describe it is ... magical. Somehow an hour on that bench eases all worries and I always leave it sparkling a little brighter! Unfortunately, my computer does not have the life in it anymore to stay alive for any longer than 20 minutes, so, while no, I will not be updating this blog from that bench, it is where I'll be finding the most insight.

So, I told you it's been a roller coaster, but so far I've only given you the upward bounds of the newest chapter in my book. Don't be fooled, there have been plenty of dips where I've been hanging on for dear life (okay, maybe that's a little exaggerated). Having my own space has been great, but there's always that sinking feeling I get when I come home from a run or work or any errand and realize no one's there to share my experience with, even if it is just to tell them that it is way too hot outside. Don't get me wrong, I know the people I love are only a phone call away, but it's not the same. Binge watching Netflix shows without a roommate to sit next to you and laugh with tends to get a little lonely. I've been countering that with trying to keep myself extremely busy. I am not usually the "out and always about" girl, but I've been jumping at every opportunity this month to do whatever with whoever and it takes the sting away a little. I've lived away from my childhood home before, but leaving this time was different because I know I don't plan on going back and leaving my dogs is never easy.

I think the biggest change in me throughout this transitional period has been my acceptance that it is okay to not be okay. Before this month, I claimed that I didn't know how to be sad and I continued along that path by never putting myself in situations where I knew I would get hurt. Well, I took a chance, I got hurt, it sucked, but I am so grateful. I learned that you don't get to choose when you feel sad, no one can decide how much pain they think they may or may not have caused you and feeling that pain in whatever way you interpret it is a completely shameless emotion. I couldn't be more thankful for the people who have supported me through this beginning transition of "adulthood" (term used loosely). I can't wait to see what the following days, weeks and months bring and I hope you're excited to hear about them too.

Some pics of my new digs.